Think yourself motivated (why motivational quotes are bullshit).

7 minute read.

So now, as well as being career queens, gentle parents, BFF’s, loving daughters, inspirational sisters AND being supportive partners, we have to do it all with a gritted happy smile on our faces against the backdrop of a constant barrage of “motivational quotes” to keep us pushing forward. Being in a constant state of “being motivated” & “inspirational”, is yet another unrealistic standard imposed on us by social media, and we should be OK giving ourselves permission to have a day off every now and then.

Motivation is the great unseen driving force behind our actions, and a fundamental building block of our personality that shapes our lives in the most profound ways. It is fundamental to our ambitions and achievements. In this article we explore how we can understand more about what motivates us as women in particular, and how psychology can help us – with the ultimate goal of understanding, what exactly is it that brings us joy and happiness?

Intrinsic vs. Extrinsic Motivation

I love a framework to help understand a concept, so I think it’s helpful to understand the two conceptual approaches motivation. Motivation can be broadly divided into two types, intrinsic and extrinsic. Intrinsic motivation comes from within us, and drives us towards what ultimately brings us joy and personal satisfaction. For example, the feeling of satisfaction you get when you are skilled at something, or the feeling of accomplishment following a run. Extrinsic motivation, conversely, hinges on external rewards, with money being the classic example, and in recent times the pressure to impress on social media. Appreciating the dichotomy between these two forces is essential to understanding what motivates you.

Mirror mirror on the wall

Understanding what really motivates us begins with introspection. Self-reflection and self-awareness are vital tools for unravelling your motivations, and therefore staying motivated and therefore finding happiness. By understanding what you value, as well as what your strengths are, lays the foundation for understanding what drives you. To start off, find 10 minutes to yourself and try this simple exercise:

Think about the times in your life when you felt most proud of yourself. It could be when you gave birth, when you nailed that presentation at work, when you saved up for your YSL handbag,  or when you truly helped a friend in need. Whatever these moments are, write down each of them on a sheet of paper. Review your list and see if you recognise any commonalities.

Spoiler Alert

Ok, so you may have guessed already that, surprise surprise, if you’re focussing and relying on extrinsic motivational factors, to stay motivated in all likelihood you’re not going to find true happiness by pursuing successes rooted in money or status. It’s never the fun fluffy things. . 

Right, so let’s focus on the three elements of intrinsic motivation that have been scientifically proven to bring happiness, a sense of purpose and ongoing motivation, they are: autonomy, purpose, and mastery. Essentially people are intrinsically motivated when they can act independently, feel that their efforts matter, and gain satisfaction from becoming more skilled.

If you are feeling particularly unmotivated, think about the elements of autonomy, purpose, and mastery and how you can take action to change your situation to become motivated once more.

We become what we repeatedly do

Even though having a daily routines, can add to that “daily grind” feeling, having a set routine can have immense power over your daily motivation.For example, my 15 minute morning routine is as below. I love sleeping so I dont wake up before 6am if at all humanly possible however. I am aware that if I told you I made time to meditate and practise yoga daily I’m sure I would appear insufferably inspiring, so, fortunately for all involved, my morning routine centres mainly around my caffeine intake. 

• Use the bathroom.
• Take the dog outside so the carpet doesn’t get ruined (again).
• Make coffee.
• Drink coffee whilst writing in my journal. 
• Baby will inevitably wake up and proclaim “Mama. Out.” – so I go and get the baby out of his cot.
• Drink more coffee and simultaneously play with the baby, get ready for work, do some chores, chat to husband. 

Sometimes of course this all goes out the window and I have to get up to catch a train to London at 5.30am and I don’t have time for diaries or coffees or the baby will wake up earlier than me with the same net effect (jokes I always have time for coffee). The important thing is though, most days I do the morning routine and most of the time I am remaining focussed and motivated for the day ahead, because I’ve done the work to understand what it is that motivates me (both intrinsic and extrinsic). 

If you set yourself mini-attainable daily goals, this does wonders for your motivation. As part of my quick morning journaling I will always include a quick to do list. Doesn’t everyone get a sense of enormous personal satisfaction from reviewing a fully (or mainly partially)  ticked off list at the end of the day? Also, surely I am not the only one guilty of retrospectively adding a task to a list and still ticking it off. 

OK I’m motivated, how do I stay motivated?

At this point in the article we are beginning to get an understanding of what intrinsically motivates us, but – here’s the next speed bump – motivation is very much a fluid entity, its nature evolving with time, age and experiences. Therefore, you are struggling, it really is a good idea to check in yearly to understand – is what was motivating you previously, still going to give you that drive to buzz about like a happy bee. 

From personal experience, one of the times I felt most lost in my life was when I thought I had achieved everything that I wanted to achieve. I had bought the house, I had a my baby, I had a great career, I had a loving family, great friends a dog and a cat plus I had managed to travel the world. What else was there? Well, quite a lot as it turned out, but I only figured that part out after seriously taking time out to reset and approach understanding my motivations like a project at work. Understanding what motivates us is so fundamental to our lives, it simply can’t be solved by a quick fix (like a motivational quote or instagram post) it needs you to put in the work. 

1. Creating a Vision Board: what does success look like?

Ok, I know, I know – this sounds like the most hippy dippy shit going. But it really does work, trust me. What does your ideal life look like? Do you know? Create a visual representation of your goals and aspirations with a vision board, this will serve you as a daily reminder of what motivates you. When you feel lost, take 30 seconds, to picture this in your head. Visualise how the task at hand will help you get to where you want to be. 

2. Positive Affirmations: Rewiring Your Mindset. 

Again, I know, it sounds wild and like it could never work. Trust me, I too need to see tangible results before I believe in a concept and this really does work. Let’s start with the science. 95% of your decision-making originates in the subconscious mind. Fact. Positive affirmations, put your unconscious brain mechanisms in the pilots cockpit and remove subconscious obstacles to push your limits and create the reality that you want. Studies have shown that when used effectively, positive affirmations can prime the brain creating a gradual change from within. You know the phrase “slowly but surely”? This is it. 

There are two different approaches to choose from when it comes to formulating positive affirmation. For me, as I said I’m a not a fan of subtle and a believer in ‘you have to see it to believe it’. For example if I am picking a fake tan I will pick the “super dark”. I mean if you are going to fake tan why would you want it to be subtle? So for me the Jackhammer approach works just great. You pick the positive affirmation that you want to integrate into your life and write it down every day. By doing this, you are hammering home the specific message into your subconscious, hence you start to believe it and start acting as if its true, which then manifests into reality. You could also try the humming bird approach, which was too airy fairy for me – your affirmation depends on your current feelings or plans for the day. This means that you determine what it will be every day anew.

3. Building a Support System: The Motivation Network.

This one is tangible. Make a conscious and proactive effort to surround yourself with a support network. I make this one of the daily habits I really try hard to keep up, and make it part of my daily to do list. I make a concerted effort to send a text or make a call to one friend and one family member every day, but how does this help to keep you motivated? Its rooted in our positive affirmations. If you are communicating with friends and family you are more likely to be verbalising and “acting out” your affirmation in real life. Your social support networks can increase motivation by giving you positive reinforcement and encouragement. It also makes you accountable. I don’t know about you but when when I feel that my friends and family are counting on me or are interested in my progress, I am way more likely to be motivated to achieve my goal. For example, its why I told even a random stranger at a train station I was running a 10k event, 3 months after having my baby, so I would actually get up off my ass and do it. 

The ending

To conclude – motivation is not stagnant; it morphs and adapts as we journey through life. Embrace this natural progression as a sign of personal growth, it’s so normal to become demotivated at any point. We can’t be constantly inspirational and  “on”. Its totally OK to have pyjama days or days where the to do list doesn’t get touched. The main take out from this article should be, its so important to take the time out of your life to regularly step back and understand what really does motivated you and acknowledge that this will change over time. This is the key to staying motivated and ultimately finding joy and purpose in life.